During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She
said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that
there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is
that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered
"How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted
their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that
there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is
that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered
"How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning,
you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted
their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have
to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love...
Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about
the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls
become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being
cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage! , you wi ll notice a dramatic difference
between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller
or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I
marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the
euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that
experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside
their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a
friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with
someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same
situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING
THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE
PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love.
You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it
takes WISDOM .. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your
marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with
your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and
exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in
your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct
cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are
predictable. ..you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling .
"No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by CHANCE, it is by CHOICE"
Family pic 2
